“It’s Always the Woman’s Fault…”: When Society Blamed Me for Infertility

In many societies, women are often held solely responsible when a couple struggles to conceive. This was exactly the experience of Kavita Rastogi. Two years into her marriage, when she was unable to get pregnant, everyone—from family members to neighbors—started pointing fingers at her. The taunts, questions, and emotional pressure she endured reflect a reality faced by many women.

Even today, society assumes that if a couple cannot have a child, the woman is always at fault. Many are unwilling to consider that infertility can also stem from male factors. Yet, male reproductive issues are a significant cause of conception difficulties, though acknowledging this remains a challenge in traditional mindsets.

Facing Blame Alone
“In my case, everyone blamed me,” Kavita recalls. “My husband himself, along with his family, was unwilling to get tested. I still cannot forget that period of my life.”

Two years into the marriage, relatives began making unsolicited remarks: “How long will you wait? It’s time to plan for a child.” Comparisons with cousins and neighbors added to her stress. The constant commentary from family, friends, and neighbors gradually took a toll on her mental health.

Attempts at Conception
Kavita and her husband Abhay eventually decided to try conceiving. Month after month, attempts failed, and each disappointment brought renewed societal pressure. After a year of trying without success, Kavita suggested seeing a doctor. Though hesitant, Abhay agreed.

Doctor Visits and Discoveries
Initial tests focused on Kavita, but her results were completely normal. The doctor then recommended testing Abhay. His reaction was defensive: “Why should I be tested? The problem is always with the woman.” His response reflected a deeply ingrained societal bias, where infertility in men is rarely acknowledged.

Over time, however, Abhay began to notice Kavita’s emotional pain—the quiet tears, the stress, the daily pressure. He realized that addressing the problem together was necessary.

Finding the Cause and Solution
Eventually, Abhay underwent tests, and it was discovered that his sperm quality was low, which had been preventing pregnancy. Understanding this gave both relief and clarity. The doctor reassured them that male infertility is common, treatable, and not a source of shame. After undergoing treatment, Kavita successfully conceived, and today, she is the proud mother of a beautiful daughter.

Kavita’s experience highlights the urgent need to challenge outdated societal assumptions. Infertility is a couple’s issue, and support, not blame, is what women—and men—truly need.

Disclaimer: The names and details in this story have been changed to protect privacy. If you wish to share your own story, email nbtlifestyle@timesinternet.in. All submissions will remain confidential.