“When I Got Pregnant, Everyone Kept Saying—A Daughter Is Fine, But the First Child Should Be a Son”

The belief that the first child should be a boy is not limited to older generations—it persists even among educated and working individuals. This is the experience shared by Ayushi Kushwaha, a working woman, who revealed the stress she endured during her pregnancy due to societal expectations.

Societal Pressure Knows No Age

“I had always believed that the preference for a first-born son existed only among elders. But when I recently became pregnant, that illusion was shattered,” says Ayushi. The moment her family learned of her pregnancy, almost everyone remarked, “A daughter is fine, but the first child should definitely be a boy.”

The underlying message was clear: if the first child is a son, the family’s ‘tension’ would be over. Unfortunately, this mindset is still prevalent, and what was even more disheartening for Ayushi was that educated people—including those from the younger generation—shared this view.

Expectations from the First Child

Ayushi and her husband Shishir shared the happy news of her pregnancy with their families. While everyone expressed joy, Shishir’s grandmother immediately said, “It’s wonderful news, now may God bless us with a child and open our fortunes.” When Ayushi clarified whether she meant a son, the answer was yes.

She recalls, “They said daughters are fine, but if the first child is a boy, there’s no tension. Otherwise, you’ll have to try for another child.” Despite Ayushi’s attempts to explain that sons and daughters are equally valuable, her words went largely unheard.

Even the Educated Support the Bias

Shockingly, the preference for a boy came not just from elders but also from her husband. While discussing their baby one evening, Shishir admitted, “I also think it would be better if the first child is a boy. It’s not that I have any problem with a daughter, but I’m not sure if we’ll have another child, so a son first would be preferable.”

Ayushi says, “Hearing this from an educated, working professional like Shishir shook me to the core. I realized that this bias is not just a relic of the past; it still influences people today.” She tried to shift the focus from gender to the child’s health, but it was challenging.

Seeking Professional Support

During her second trimester, Ayushi shared her concerns with her doctor during a routine check-up. She explained the constant stress caused by family expectations and societal pressure. Her doctor emphasized the importance of mental health during pregnancy, warning that stress can affect both the mother’s well-being and the baby’s development.

Overcoming Overthinking

Realizing the potential impact on her unborn child, Ayushi decided to prioritize her own mental and physical health over societal pressure. Slowly, she learned to ignore the external judgments and focus on her pregnancy. Today, she is a proud mother to a healthy daughter and reflects on the journey:

“The gender of the child is irrelevant. What matters is that the baby is healthy and loved. That’s the only blessing that counts.”

Disclaimer: This story is based on the experiences of Ayushi Kushwaha, a working woman. The name has been changed for privacy. Readers are encouraged to share their stories at nbtlifestyle@timesinternet.in; all identities will remain confidential.